I Love a Bunch of Genres

It’s Jesus’ Birthday
Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie
Cry, Santa!



Happy Birthday, Jesus! As an agnostic, and a staunchly non-Christian agnostic, I have to admit that I think of this time of year more in terms of pretty trees and baking cookies with my family than of mangers and frankincense. I know some people like to make a big to-do of Christmas being based on pagan rituals, but even if that is true, the secular side of Christmas is only popular today because of traditions largely spread by your followers. So thanks for all of that.

Anyway, I don’t really know or care if you exist Jesus. I guess your big thing was being a good person, and I try to do that, not because I’m afraid your dad will punish me, but because being good is its own reward. My point is, if we every run into each other, at the grocery store or in the kingdom where good souls rest for all eternity, I think we’ll get along well enough, even though I don’t dwell on your existence. Honestly, I think that would be pretty off-putting - every human on Earth constantly striving for your attention and approval? No thanks. I’m just going to keep being decent, and I’ll trust that if you or any other members of the heavenly bunch are real, you won’t have any beef with me. I mean, God made me, and you’re sort of God, right? I think that’s the story. I met this lady at a street fair this summer who kept yelling at me that you love me, and God loves me, and God made me inside of my mom’s womb, so if that’s true, I don’t think you have any right to get mad at me for not believing in you.

Here’s what a do know for certain - my little sister is real, and today is her sixteenth birthday, so happy birthday to her. Jesus, if you’re real, happy birthday, to you, too, and if you’re not real, it bothers me that people use you as an excuse to fight wars, and deny people rights, and to act smug, but I am really glad that other people’s belief in you has given me an excuse to get out of school for a few weeks each year so I can give presents to my friends and family, I’m happy that fictional accounts of you bring otherwise troubled people comfort and moral guidance, and I’m really grateful for Christmas Rap.

Thanks, Jesus.



I can’t find the album cover for Cry, Santa! anywhere on the Internet, and I couldn’t decide on just one picture to post, so I went two, both by Lore Sjöberg.